Director: Sylvester Stallone
Writers: Art Monterastelli and Sylvester
Release Date: 25 January 2008 (USA)
Major Cast
Sylvester Stallone as John Rambo
Julie Benz as Sarah
Matthew Marsden as School Boy
Graham McTavish as Lewis
Reynaldo Gallegos as Diaz (as Rey Gallegos)
Jake La Botz as Reese
Tim Kang as En-Joo
Maung Maung Khin as Tint
Paul Schulze as Michael Burnett
Cameron Pearson as Jeff - Missionary #4
Thomas Peterson as Dentist - Missionary #2
Tony Skarberg as Videographer - Missionary #3
Dear Mr. Stallone,
Dude, what the hell? Are you alright?
I mean, seriously, what the hell?
Look, I’m going to level with you here. I am a huge fan of the Rambo genre, especially Rambo: First Blood part II -- the film that unofficially brought about the top-scrolling, first-person shooter video game era, as well as the bad-guy body-count drinking game.
I shared my passion for Rambo II -- and it cannot be overstated, Rambo II is the most underrated action film I have ever seen -- with my family. By the end of the film, you had three new fans on the bandwagon, two of them from a younger generation. We awaited your newest installment of the stonefaced, reluctant killer with unabated glee.
Perhaps I only have myself to blame here, but when I rented your newest Rambo chapter, I was under the impression that me, the wife, and kids would settle in and high-five one another while observing the master accumulate yet another healthy body count, complete with one-shot, one-kill flesh wounds that maybe bled a bit before Nameless Badguy Soldier X started pushin-up daisies. You know, just one of your standard, shoot-em-ups. No big deal, right?
And yes, I let my kids watch because, well, apparently because I’m a moron as well as a terrible parent.
I mean, yes, I knew it would be violent, but dude, really? The Burmese soldier throwing the infant into the house fire – don’t you think you were overstating your case with this scene just a tiny bit? (My 14-year-old daughter kept grilling me about the infanticide scene as if I wrote and directed it into the movie myself. I figured I’d ask you about it for her sake.)
Fortunately, my kids were smarter than me at the time of the film’s viewing. My 12-year-old son removed himself from the room 30 minutes into your movie, opting for the soft glow of graphic videogame violence over watching missionaries get beheaded and fed to the hogs. I gotta be honest with ya, midway through the film, a game of Super Smashbrothers was sounding pretty appealing. But I stayed and gutted-out the rest of the movie through to the climax, though ironically, the climatic disemboweling scene still managed to catch me off guard a bit.
Isn’t it remarkable how CGI can depict someone’s intestines spilling onto the jungle floor with such vivid detail? And why would anyone outside of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre want to capture this cinematic gem?
Granted, the guy had it coming to him, but dude, really?
Gratuitous gore aside, I completely understand where you were going with this film. You were using this film as a vehicle to highlight the ongoing and very real problems in Burma. You wanted to remind us that war is not a two-hour high-five. War is ugly, disturbingly violent, and often filled with heinous atrocities that don’t see the light of day on the evening news.
I understand and admire your efforts to really make a statement with this one instead of going with the familiar device of running through the jungle with an M-16, splitting the wigs of countless one-dimensional soldiers who inexplicably run headlong into your line of fire, even as their comrades are being cut down right in front of them. But your newest creation was not the movie I was expecting. I was not expecting a Rambo war movie to be so… warlike.
Yet, war was exactly what you brought to us. You even warned us through Rambo’s initial admonishments of idealistic missionary, Sarah Miller, who repeatedly tried talking Rambo into ferrying her group upstream into a warzone to provide medical aid to the civilian villagers under siege. In so many words, when you ominously slurred, “You don’t know what you’re getting into. Go Home,” you might as well had been directing those words to your audience, foreshadowing the carnage to come.
But like Sara, we were stubborn and naïve to what was about to unfold. And like Sara, what we didn’t know would cost us more than a few sleepless nights as our fragile sensibilities were ripped asunder like the bodies of hapless villagers, forced by Burmese soldiers into playing “find the active landmine” in flooded marshes before being ruthlessly gunned down.
I mean… dude… really? Had to take it there, did ya?
I understand, truly I do, but… well… yikes. That’s all.
I find myself with a bit of a dilemma here. How can I possibly critique this film? On one hand, the dialogue was predictably unimaginative and the acting was predictably unremarkable, but there was certainly enough action in this action-driven film to make it a horse worth riding. I appreciate the unblinking and unapologetic realness of the graphic images, and it truly is a story worth telling, but unlike Rambo II (the yardstick that all other action films should be measured against) I cannot see myself watching this installment of Rambo ever again.
Mr. Stallone, does my reluctance to watch this film again make Rambo a bad film? I say no. Can I recommend it’s viewing to anyone? Not exactly. All I can say is that it is what it is. Fans of your previous three Rambo movies should consider this letter a cautionary tale and watch at their own risk.
I think you made your point extremely well, Mr. Stallone. Thanks for the awesome story and the ensuing nightmares.
Respectfully
A Bewildered Rambo Fan
P.S. – I hear you’re halfway done with the script for yet another Rambo sequel, which chronicles John Rambo’s return to his hometown in Arizona. I’m really anxious to see if you can somehow figure out how to incorporate blowing more sh*t up in your new script. That’s where your current effort really falls flat. There are not nearly enough explosions.
And I’m talking about real explosions, not the gruesome, toe-popping Burmese villager versus landmine scene. Exploding vehicles and buildings are awesome. Exploding humans, well, not so much.
Maybe you should have John snap and have a flashback when the ushers try to eject him from Arizona stadium in the fourth quarter for being drunk and disorderly, when in reality, he’s trying to stop terrorists from blowing up the Arizona Cardinals team bus. Or perhaps you should have John get his hands on some tactical nukes and make the Arizona Cardinals the primary antagonists.
You don’t have to pay or credit me with these ideas. I’m just throwing them out there. You’re welcome.
Story: A
Acting: C
Visuals: B
Originality/Innovation: A
Enjoyability Grade: C
Date Material: F- (Uhm… no)
Contemporary Element (Will it be watchable two decades from now?): D
Overall Grade: C
***
Blind Eye Turning: Poems, Prose, and other Scribbles, by Barry Dawson
Buy it at www.lulu.com
