Angels and Demons Movie Review
Angels & Demons-Like A Beautiful Turd
Right off the bat you know you are in for a sea, and I do mean a sea, of unintentional laughs. Laughs a plenty in fact.
Dare I say that the smarter you are, the more you will probably laugh. Early on in the movie, director Ron Howard tries to establish that actor Tom Hanks is in good enough shape to play the role of action hero Robert Langdon-a professor of symbology. The result is har-har and freakin' har. Laughter erupted as Hanks' blocky, liposuctioned body Jabba the Hutted it’s way out of the pool...wearing a Speedo if memory serves me correctly.
I cannot be completely sure on this specifically, as my brain shut down from a combination of shock and pure hilarity. Hanks uses Angels & Demons to demonstration some of the good old-fashion decisionmaking that led him to thinking it was a good idea to push his ridiculous son on the world. The man should not have done the swimming pool scene. End of story.
There is so much to laugh at I don’t know where to begin. First is the moronic concept that anti-matter stolen from a high-energy physics experiment is being used as a bomb, and that it has been hidden somewhere in Vatican City by a shadowy group of evil scientists calling themselves the Illuminati. Not reading any of Dan Brown's novels, I had no idea what massive crap they were.
Old people listen up, if you are reading these books you don't get to make fun of anything. I mean it. Star Trek, Star Wars, World of Warcraft-anything else that you might feel you are superior to, no, if you have purchased more than one Dan Brown novel you are in no way able to get on your high-horse about anything dorky or pop-culture. This stuff is garbage, worse than your usual video game plot.
I knew I was in for it when I saw that the screenplay was co-written by mastermind Akiva Goldsman. His adaptations are usually painful, and his "original works" are nothing short of dread and full. He's also produced some of the worst and most disappointing films in recent memory, such as Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Hancock. The guy specializes in films that essentially show contempt for mankind. His guy had a hand in writing Batman Forever, Batman & Robin, Lost in Space and so much more. And he is an Academy Award winner from A Beautiful Mind-he adapted the screenplay. What a town, the guy can pen such stuff as Batman Forever and Batman & Robin and he gets to come back for more. You have to love how high the standards bar has been set.
Regardless, Angels & Demons is clearly just a money grab; it is remarkably foolish, but really funny. This is one of the more unintentionally humorous films I have ever seen. Ayelet Zurer who plays CERN scientist Vittoria Vetra just happens to be rather good looking which only adds to the comedy. Seriously there probably aren't too many scientists, male or female, working at CERN who look like slightly aged, former fashion models, now are there? No offense people at CERN, you are smart as hell and are doing good work, but we both know you are not heading down the runway anytime soon. Not unless its based on neurological connections between the left and right hemispheres of the brain or something similiar.
Don't misunderstand this review. Angels & Demons is most definitely worth a rental. Its wildly foolish fun. If you think the ending of some Bond films are silly well you haven't seen anything. The ending of Angels & Demons is worthy of Jar-Jar and Lucas-its that funny. What was Ron Howard thinking you might ask? Well they turned him lose with roughly $150 million dollars to play with, and people sent over $350 million on this slapstick farce worldwide. So, I guess Howard was involved for the same reason that Hanks was involved-for the money. It certainly wasn't for the art!
Story A (Hands down this film has two purposes. The first purpose is to appeal to idiots and second purpose is to make people into idiots. Science-fiction/fantasy trying to pass itself off as a mystery, well now, that’s just embarrassing to everyone involved. Why a grade of "A" you may ask. How could you notgive a film with this many unintentional laughs a big A?)
Acting A (All the actors deliver the ridiculous dialogue with a straight face they all deserve high marks. I am not being sarcastic. Hanks is essentially playing himself once again, but when contrasted against his "old guard" peers, well, that is what they all do these days. None of them really act anymore; they just show up and play themselves and bitch about how the millions are not enough. Then horde that cash when they attend the various photo ops for any number of charities. In that light, his performance was fine.)
Visuals A+ (Yes, I have spanked this turd of a film, but it is really quite beautiful. Great shots abound, unfortunately so much of this visual brilliance is just wasted. Yet, this one will look fantastic on your HDTV. This is a high-definition gem.)
Originality/Innovation B (Something as goofy as this has to get some points for creativity. It takes some work to be this foolish.)
Enjoyability Grade A (Unbelievably funny.)
Home Theater/HD Factor A (This one will look great on an HDTV set, again a high-def gem. If you have a television set or a projector with a high-contrast ratio that handles black levels well, you are in for one funny treat.)
Overall Grade A (Big-budget Hollowood, yes I know the correct way to spell it, is a lot like watching a former heavy weight champ whose fifteen years past his prime but must get back into the ring to pay for his meth addiction. Its usually just sad and frustrating, but every now and then you have to laugh at it even though you feel a little guilty about doing so.)
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