Armageddon 2-Wraith of the Rock in 3D
Armageddon? Well, its not THAT bad. Director Michael Bay is at it again with a rock destroys earth movie. Is it similar to Deep Impact? Sure, as both films have big rocks, both films pander to the lowest common denominator and both films use nuclear weapons. How dumb is this movie. Well, its pretty dumb. Here is how dumb this movie happens to be. The premise: Giant rock headed towards earth, but don’t panic we have a plan. We are going to send a group of out of shape drunk retards into space. No don’t panic, they have a skill, they specialize in digging deep holes.
So here’s the plan, they go up into space on aged space shuttles using 30 year old technology and they’re going to drill some deep ass holes (not as in “a-holes” but real, actual holes where earth and rock have been removed) and split that evil asteroid apart. (See, this was before we had highly active enemies in the world, thus we had to go out into space and thump on rocks.) Now, we have to train these guys to be astronauts, of course, I mean they must know how to do space walks and operate equipment in space. Now, don’t panic–we have a few days to do it, so there is plenty of time to train them how to handle zero-gravity and work in space suits and all the rest of the little details involved in working in space. I am serious, that is the script for this move. Throw in some REALLY bad Aerosmith music and Ben Affleck and there you go-a movie. Oh and it has Bruce Wills who I am sure was sold the movie as Die Hard in Space vs. A Rock. As long as it came from the “right” “writer”...right?
It is, at time visually pretty to look at, but the movie itself is never easy to watch, due to all the logic errors. At times I felt like they were intentionally seeing how stupid the audience was, but I doubt this was indeed the case. The CG is decent enough and Bay got to throw a lot of money around. Armageddon was a massive hit for Touchstone Pictures making over $450 million dollars.
I was hoping for a sequel where maybe a quantum reversal event occurred and the asteroid reassembled and was heading back for a second strike, but the script apparently never got off the ground. Maybe we could have discovered that there was an evil alien spirit residing within the rock, then we could of had Bruce Wills acting like he was still on Moonlighting trying to be all cutesy with the evil spirit as he stalled for time. “Just a little longer,” he would say as one of his redneck buddies placed the last detonator...close up of red button switch, Willis calls the asteroid a PG-13 name and there is maybe a video game this time as well. Armageddon 2-Wraith of the Rock, ah hell, in 3D. Armageddon 2-Wraith of the Rock in 3D.
In the end, if you are looking for a “Us vs. Space Rock” movie, I would have to recommend Deep Impact. While Deep Impact is equally stupid, but Deep Impact has the distinction of being wildly offensive to boot. Watch both films together and you will lose IQ points.
Story F (Offensively stupid and Formulaic Extreme-now with 10% more formula.)
Visuals B+ (Give credit where credit is due, as there are some fine visuals.)
Originality/Innovation F (Perhaps this is unfair, as it is pretty creative to come up with a script as stupid as this one. The notion of sending these idiots up into space, with that little training, is really insulting to the intelligence of the audience to which they pander. Even little kids are going to be wondering whether or not these drunk, brain damaged clowns would need more time to learn the task of being a freakin’ astronaut! In short, most folks are not THAT dumb. A little more restraint of their contempt of the audiencewould be nice. Or is it that these guys are actually THAT dumb? Interesting.)
Enjoyability Grade D+
Home Theater/HD Factor B (It is difficult to give a movie that has asteroids falling less than a B...I suspect “they” know this.)
Overall Grade D (Even though this film gets a “D”, you might want to check it out anyway, as it is unintentionally very funny and probably worth a look.)