Mr. And Mrs. Smith-Learn the Name Kinberg and Avoid His Work
Okay, now brace yourself this is scarey stuff people. There is a writer by the name of Simon Kinberg who has somehow been given a green light to write script after script even though they suck beyond belief. What has this guy delivered to the masses to date. I said brace yourself. This chap is responsible for Mr. And Mrs. Smith, which is truly one of the worst scripts in recent memory, but he also penned XXX: The State of the Union. Apparently, he played some sort of role on The Fantastic Four, Electra, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle and Catwoman, four of the worst films in recent memory. All I can say is wow, to be so lucky that you can just keep cranking out turd after turd and they let you keep on working. This is like one of those movies where the cops spreads out photos and notices the same guy in the background at every crime scene. How is this guy still employed?
Mr. And Mrs. Smith should have never, in any universe, been a successful film, but it successful for one reason-good old fashioned Hollywood star power and nothing else. The script seemed remarkably immature and undeveloped, sort of as if written by say a 16 year old of average intelligence. The genesis of the script occurred while Kinberg was in a MFA program in writing–okay. This is living proof that having a diploma doesn’t mean one knows what he or she is doing.
But, in case you do not know, here is the genius of Kinberg’s idea for Mr. And Mrs. Smith. Two spies are married to each other and each does not know that the other is a spy. The order comes in for them to murder each and oh what fun ensues. Sounds great right? To date both Pitt and Jolie have been consistently brilliant at selecting scripts, but on this one, they prove they are human. I am assuming something political happened behind the scenes, but three things are for sure. One, star power is what propelled this film to the massive $400 million plus dollar totals worldwide. Second, Pitt and Jolie are human. Third, Kinberg must have some really powerful chums...really powerful.
I suppose there is a fourth fact about this film, it’s a incoherent mess. The script meanders about in an unfocused daze of stupidity, apparently much like the rest of Kinberg’s scripts. Don’t believe me? I suggest you watch his other creations and be terrified. The “meat” of the film, beyond its two primary stars, happens to be a series of cartoonish explosions and actions sequences. There is a underlying smugness to the script that is completely unjustified. It clearly displays that Kinberg must fancy himself as some sort of genius, but his work is quite the contrary and its depressing.
Many of you may be thinking that I met Kinberg at a party and he stole my girlfriend and dumped a drink on my head-I could only be so lucky! No, I have never met the guy and he may be as nice as they come, I have no clue. Kinberg should be the poster child for the problems that Hollywood is currently experiencing. Anybody can screw up a couple of times and everyone deserves a second and even third chance, but let’s recap, Catwoman, Fantastic Four, X-Men: The Last Stand, XXX: The State of the Union, Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle and Electra. Charlie’s Angeles: Full Throttle, Catwoman and Electra were three of the worse big-budget films every made.
If you have not seen them, may be you should, they are that bad. Watch these three films, then you will understand why I am ranting. In fact, Kinberg has been given awards for his work as a screenwriter. No, that isn’t a joke, I am not being sarcastic, boy does this industry have problems are what? If a car designer, totally screwed up the design on a gas tank and every time the car was struck at even 5 miles an hour, the car exploded, would the auto industry hand that fellow an award? Okay, fine, that is an extreme and maybe unfair example, but you see the point. There is some serious, big-time madness at work here. Kinberg is one of the last guys who should be handed an award.
If Mr. And Mrs. Smith was the only mistake Kinberg had made then so be it, no big deal. The MBA’s and accountants in Hollywood may be looking at the box office take and saying, what’s the problem internet guy? Loser. But here is the problem in allowing guys like Kinberg to crank out turkey after turkey. In 10 years perhaps half of the blockbusters will originate in Japan, China or elsewhere. In 20 years this percentage could be far higher. Sounds stupid right? Detroit didn’t think it could happen either.
Story D- (Its just plain stupid.)
Acting B (Pitt and Jolie are great, I just don’t understand why they did this turkey of a film, but it was a money maker. Ultimately, it proves they are human.)
Visuals B (No doubt there is plenty of eye candy for the hordes of morons for which the film targets.)
Originality/Innovation F (Devoid of anything approximating originality. What kind of MFA program stamps this script with a thumbs up? )
Enjoyability Grade D+ (Pitt and Jolie are fun to watch, but its not enough.)
Home Theater/HD Factor B
Overall Grade D- (Go ahead Hollywood keep letting Kinberg pen these scripts. I have a great idea, let him direct as well, why not. Maybe Lucas can turn over those Star Wars television shows he is working on to Kinberg, that would be a great idea. Finally, do yourself a big favor, if you see Simon Kinberg in the credits, avoid the film. Pure and simple.)
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