Barb Wire
Here Is What You Need To Know:
“Oh crap! We aren't actually going to shoot this script are we? I mean hell.” It was either said or thought numerous, numerous times about the somewhat thankfully forgotten Barb Wire. Barb Wire is for you breeders that like your fake breast gigantic and your women stupid and plasticish. Pamela Anderson plays a brilliant neuroscientists-no I am kidding she doesn't play a neuroscientist, just checking to see if you're paying attention. Anderson plays a nightclub owner who is also a bounty hunter in a dystopian American future. The Second Civil War, didn't go so well and now we poor American slobs have a dictatorial government. Um, how incredibly far fetched. The absurdity of it all.
Many point to Battlefield Earth as the worse big-budget science-fiction film of the modern era. I would add, “have you forgotten about Barb Wire?” Barb Wire is definitely a contender, because its just flat out dumb, and you will be dumber after watching it, no matter what you do. You can flip through War and Peace while this thing is on and you'll still be dumber when its over. Barb Wire does have one thing going for it, and that is the truly impressive array of unintentionally humor. In the realm of unintentional humor Barb Wire is a banquet.
What Was Cool:
-Sorry not much was cool in Barb Wire. In fact, Barb Wire tells you in its name what it is going to be like. It is like touching barb wire.
-Much credit must be given to Barb Wire for its brave quest to find equality for women all around the world. Just checking to make sure you were paying attention, again.
-What happened to Jack Noseworthy star of MTV's Dead at 21? He is one of the few bright spots in Barb Wire. Check out Dead at 21 if you feel you have seen all the science-fiction that is out there.
What Was Stupid:
-Barb Wire is unique in that it is completely stupid from beginning to end. Usually there are some good visuals in these kind of films, but considering that this was a major release, it is lacking in this territory as well. I would love to be a bit kinder Ilene Chaiken, but I can't. She has somewhat disappeared, with Ilene tossing in some work on the L Word, but that is about it.
-Basing this movie off the comic book of the same name was just a poor decision.
Overlooked Performance/Accomplishment:
The skill of Pamela Anderson's plastic surgeon is not even acknowledged in this film.
Story D-
Use of Science D
Acting D
Portrayal of Women D (After this film, all us women are lucky we still have the right to vote.)
Visuals-VFX and Special Effects D
Visuals-Set Design/Props D
Wardrobe/Costumes C (Some of the costumes were-interesting.)
Style/Sex Appeal C
Enjoyability Grade F
Home Theater/HD Factor C
Gut Check (Level of Studio Executive Guts) F (Guts are important but so are brains.)
Overall Innovation F
Overall Grade D- (Barb Wire verses Battlefield Earth, that's a tough one.)
A Little Fact About Cherie:
I resent blond jokes.
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