The Orphanage Movie Review
Here is What You Need To Know:
The Orphanage, what can I say? I really, really wanted to like this film and I had such high hopes. I love horror films, the buzz for The Orphanage was great and it has a strong female lead too! Oh yes, I wanted to like it. But, the Orphanage is such a disappointment, such a let down. This is one sloooooow moving horror film and to make matters worse, its super-predictable, I mean super. Most of you will see the ending coming from a film away and if you don’t, you’ll be smacking yourself in the head for not seeing it coming. The ending is so brutally obvious and so clichéd that you will probably outsmart yourself by saying, “well, it can’t be that simple can it?”
Laura, played by Belen Rueda, moves into a home that use to be an orphanage and mysterious and strange things begin happening. The fact that all the mysterious happenings take place in the same house doesn’t help the boredom issue too much. That aside, Laura soon discovers that her adopted son Simon disappears and she is forced to interact with ghosts in order to find him. Its not as good as it sounds. Sorry.
What Was Cool:
There is some good cinematography and acting but that is about all.
The Film’s Real Genius or Geniuses:
The Orphanage most definitely had a solid marketing campaign, stellar in fact. That is the real brilliance of the film.
Overlooked Performance/Accomplishment:
Obviously the people behind marketing this, well shot, well acted but very disappointing film.
Story C- (I hate to give The Orphanage such a low score, but the script is a joke.)
Use of Science N/A
Acting B+
Portrayal of Women A (Laura is a very strong, intelligent character, stuck in a boring movie.)
Style/Sex Appeal C- (The Orphanage is not a very sexy film. Belen Rueda is a decent looking woman but she is also 10 years older than the character she is playing. In all likelihood this hurt the film. The people I was watching the film with commented on how she was obviously NOT 37. Why lie to the ghosts about your age, they won’t care. Maybe we’re all just too catty, but this obvious discrepancy between Laura’s age in the script and Rueda’s age in reality is an issue.)
Enjoyability Grade D+
Home Theater/HD Factor C+
Gut Check (Level of Studio Executive Guts) B (At least The Orphanage is not a sequel.)
Overall Innovation D (This is not an innovative film. I wish it were, but its not there.)
Overall Grade C- (The Orphanage does have a strong female lead but as I have already made really clear, the film will bore you to tears. Just because a film is foreign language does not mean I will automatically say “yeah!” in fears of being deemed too feeble minded to understand its complex European brilliance. I won’t go there. This film is weak.
A Little Fact About Cherie:
I often wished I were an orphan as a child, just not in this orphanage. The boredom would have killed me.
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