Stargate Continuum-Escaping, Oh So Briefly, From the Event Horizon of Excrement
Here is What You Need To Know:
My loyal readers know by now that I think mass produced corporate science fiction essentially sucks major ass. See my review on the “Golden Age of Science Fiction” for more of my two cents where this topic concerned.
The state of corporate science fiction is beyond dreadful at this point. Stargate, while vastly superior, to what it has recently become, has always been a concept devoid of anything remotely approaching a brain. The producers of the show jumped right on board with the idea, the core premise of the show in fact, that it is just peachy that the powers that be hide the truth about aliens and the Stargate program from mankind. These guys just go along with the notion that this, what would be the ultimate violation of trust, or at least close to it, is somehow okay, because we are “being kept safe.” Yeah, at the heart of Stargate basically resides an epic piece of bulls”it. It’s devoid of any moral center and…I digress.
With all of that said, this normally crappy television show manages to do something in its second direct-to-DVD release that the first movie Stargate: The Ark of Truth (oh the irony) couldn’t manage to do and that is be entertaining. No one was shocked more than I. Stargate Continuum plays around with some time travel ideas that science fiction fans have all seen before-many, many times before, but it is done in a fun way. The SG-1 gang is at an extraction ceremony for Ba’al when all hell breaks lose and one thing follows another until they are skipping around time.
This is no masterpiece, by any strech of the imagination, yet Stargate Continuum does enough correctly that it keeps you from fast forwarding. Despite its morally bankrupt message of nanny state knows best, Stargate Continuum manages to be sort of entertaining. Even my girlfriend commented, “Hey this looks better than their normal crap.” Well put.
What Was Cool:
-It was very smart to actually travel to some outdoor locations, especially the Arctic. Filming in the Arctic really helped give the Continuum the feel of a real movie. Usually this is the kind of thing they could care less about so it was a nice surprise.
-Some of the visual effects were much improved over the normal Stargate “these fools will love anything we give them” visual effects. That was nice.
-The acting was better than normal. Perhaps, this was due to the fact that the cast was told they were in a “real movie,” I don’t know. Perhaps they stepped their game up a bit because it wasn’t television.
What Was Stupid:
-They probably should have just saved their money and not paid to have Richard Dean Anderson in this film. He is in Continuum only briefly and his presense doesn’t add much. Don’t get me wrong; if I were Anderson I would avoid Stargate too!
-I have trouble looking beyond all the logic errors and stupidity around which the show is based. Such as the fact that humans are running around in space using normal guns instead of all the advanced weapons that are available, for example. You can read my entire contempt for the “Stargate Universe” here.
The Film’s Real Genius or Geniuses:
-The guy who said, “we can milk these idiots by going direct-to-DVD.” Smart man-or woman, look how sexiest I was being to assume it was a man who came up with that idea. What on earth is wrong with me?
Use of Science B-
Portrayal of Women B+
Style/Sex Appeal C
Enjoyability Grade C+
Home Theater/HD Factor C+
Gut Check (Level of Studio Executive Guts) D-
Overall Innovation D+
Overall Grade C+
A Little Fact About Cherie:
I had a nightmare once that I was at a Stargate Convention. Had to do two shots of vodka to go back to sleep. There were three hundred pound, hairy backed, pasty white guys with home made Goa’uld costumes on everywhere. It was sort of like Xandu-in hell.