Poseidon
Josh Lucas, Kurt Russell, Richard Dreyfus; Directed by Wolfgang Peterson
It is a beautiful New Year’s Eve night, and the passengers of the Poseidon are raising their glasses to one another, hoping for another happy and healthy year for all. They’re not going to get it. While being serenaded by the night’s entertainment (Fergie, of the Black Eyed Peas), the men and women mingle with one another, exchanging pleasantries and engaging in polite, trivial conversation. And then, after what seems to be about eight minutes, a rogue wave comes crashing towards the unsuspecting vessel and causes the ship to flip upside down. A small band of passengers come together and resolve to help each other to survive. Among them are a single mother and her young son, a former mayor and firefighter, a young couple newly engaged, and a host of other characters who help or hinder the small band. There is drowning, impaling, fires, rising water, electrocution, lost tempers, and...love. Sounds like Titanic, right? On a lesser scale, Poseidon is basically a ‘B’ grade version of that story. Only without any talent.
Visually, Poseidon was just how I expected it to be. Scenes of mass destruction choreographed along with a grand, sweeping orchestral score. Computer graphics and models combined to give slam bang action so predictable and contrived that I actually found myself feeling indifferent to the plight of the human beings onboard. As is the custom for modern day action films, character development is almost completely disregarded, and I didn’t even end up caring whether the survivors made it to the end or not. The plot reads like the alphabet. Just as ‘B’ comes after ‘A’, I somehow knew that the sleazy sexist slimeball who suddenly shows up a few minutes after the ship has capsized is going to die a very painful death very shortly.
I was not proved wrong. This film is a remake of a 1972 version starring Gene Hackman, called The Poseidon Adventure. Even though the special effects of that film are not as flashy and up-to-date as Wolfgang Peterson’s rendering, the older film was a lot more horrifying and somehow felt more real. We are given at least a good twenty minutes to meet the characters and fully realize who they are and how they will play into each other’s lives. They are characters who have faults and fears. They are not ex-firefighters or Navy officers. They do not have any kind of experience that is going to back them up. No one is Superman here. Because of this, we relate to them more deeply, and we care when they find themselves fighting for their lives. Not only was I indifferent to the scenes of death and devastation in Poseidon, I was bothered by the fact that I felt nothing. I was being desensitized. While the film may have started out with good intentions in the pre-productions stages, it morphed into a mindless action flick. There was no heart. There was no fall and redemption. No empathy was created. You are far better off turning to the 1972 version if you are interested in a story like this.
Spoiler: There is nothing I could spoil for you. You will figure everything out before it happens while you are watching it anyway.
The acting, because of the script, did not require much. If you could make a ‘scared face’ and an ‘angry face’, congratulations! You got the part! The actors did not have much to work with. Their mission: just get from point A on the ship to point B, and just be sure to look at least mildly distressed while you’re doing it. These characters only need two-word descriptions to tell you who they are and how they are going to act. Josh Lucas - angry gambler. Richard Dreyfuss - jilted lover. Kurt Russell - worried father...you get the point. These are very one-dimensional people, and we care as much about them as we would a small band of ants trying to wade through a puddle of Mountain Dew to get to their anthill.
But of course, the greatest downfall lay with the quality of the script. Scenarios and events were not at all creative or new, spoiled perhaps by the thinking that all they had to do was follow the first film’s plot to a ‘T’. Which they basically did. The dialogue is unintelligent and typical. One line actually made me feel the need to repeat it aloud to myself in order to affirm if I had indeed heard what I thought I had heard. Here is the gem: “Once we get there, the only thing between us and the outside...is nothing!” Yeah. There are all sorts of little treasures like that littered throughout the movie. Though the script is very faulty, I believe that we must look to director Wolfgang Peterson for the ultimate overall failure of this film. He was the Captain of the Ship, and he steered it right into a rock. A big, dull, boring rock. And not even the crash was exciting.
Story = D
Originality = C
DVD Extras = B
Acting = C
Enjoyability = C
Visuals = A
Overall Grade = C-
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