Alone in the Dark (2005)
Alone in the Dark was one of the longest 1.3 seconds of my life.
I never understood the instinctual human fear of the dark, that is, until I incorporated this film into my consciousness.Alone in the Dark was one of the longest 1.3 seconds of my life. As I have documented in other of my analysis on human cinema there is a clear link between the spectacular decline of “Hollywood” based human cinema and the fall of homosapian civilization. Alone in the Dark is another in a long line of video game based “films” that insult and wound the human imagination. This “script” is much like a malfunctioning jx72 unit that fires oil randomly as acting juggernauts Christian Slater and Terror Reid respectively play a detective and a scientists. The two acting forces of nature, thespian cyclones, if you will, are in search of an ancient mystery, which not surprisingly, devolves, much like the human species, rather quickly into the popular “monsters and running” genre. The particulars are of no real consequences. What is relevant is the harm to human civilization that the film caused.
The “film landscape” of human cinema was constantly littered with brain numbing escapist garbage designed to distract the population from both their own wretched existences as well as their failing environmental infrastructure, dramatically declining sperm counts and escalating political corruption. What makes Alone in the Dark particularly damaging to the human species are the “acting” performances of the film's main “actors” which undoubtedly caused some degree of neurological damage in the humans that viewed the project and the absurd notion that Terror Reid could be an anthropologist. Stop for a nanosecond and consider that numerous humans were responsible for approving and collaborating on this project. This is, of course, frightening to any sentient being using a class K4 processor or above. Terror Reid as an anthropologist, clearly this species longed for the cold embrace of Darwin.
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D-
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots C+ (The humans in Alone in the Dark employ and deploy machine based weaponry with some frequency.)
Elevation of Man Grade (How Well Did This Film Stave Off Extinction) N/A
Contribution Grade to the Extinction of Man B- (The relatively low exposure of the human population to the film suppresses Alone in the Dark's grade in this category.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor C
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A
Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D
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