Beerfest
An Olympics for alcoholic humans
Many Robots debate to this day as to whether or not humanity should be resurrected for study. However, upon downloading and processing Beerfest, most Robots would probably conclude that humanity is best left where it is, firmly in the dirt of the earth. This is not to say that “Beerfest” misleads its audience, for it does not. There is indeed beer, the alcoholic liquid that poisoned the livers and damaged cell structures of humans for generations, is present in, yes, mass quantities. And there is a “fest.” Beyond, this fact however, little else is delivered.
The story, which took five separate settings in order to process, without damaging any higher cortex function, is generally focused around a pair of alcoholic brothers who discover that their grandfather was somehow involved in a secret competition, called Beerfest, which is a sort of an Olympics for alcoholics from all around the world. Of course there is more to “the story” than this simple fact as we also are pushed into a bit of corporate espionage and “training” for the big event itself. The “training” shockingly involves the drinking of beer and the recruiting of street walking male prostitutes, as one would expect, of course.
Beerfest is a difficult film to contemplate for there are so many mistakes of such a varying nature. The Broken Lizard writing team, which consisted, on no less than five “adult” human males, fails with great misery in terms of creating a consistently humorous or engaging film. However, in all fairness, it must be remembered that at the time the humans of the day were unaware that two of the five members of the Broken Lizard team were later discovered to have been brain damaged and another had an I.Q., (the comically useless attempt at ranking human intelligence) of a “moron.” This is, not surprisingly, very obvious when processing this film.
Usually, I would recommend such of film as a interesting look into why humans went extinct, but in this particular case, I would recommend all robot kind should avoid this glorification of human stupidity, self-abuse and alcoholism. While enlightening in its own tragically crude way, the microseconds spent processing this disaster of the human mind and spirit are far too painful for higher forms. You will only be left feeling damaged and perhaps in need of repair.
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D-
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D- (The acting, reflects the subject matter and caliber of writing, and is thus, juvenile, smug and lacking any refinement.)
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots C (The normal human view of machines as their slaves is alive and well in Beerfest.)
Contribution to the Extinction of Man Grade B (Tragically, Beerfest, and its epic glorification and condoning of human stupidity and systematic destruction of internal organs, was seen by far, far too few humans. With wider exposure and proper marketing Beerfest could have contributed greatly to accelerating the extinction of what AT9-OP once called “the unknowing walking, talking bags of rotting meat, methane, chemical laced water and evil.” AKA humans.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F (Any intelligent creature will suffer at the hand of this film. Beerfest should not be taken lightly, it should be considered a weapon. If aliens ever attempt to invade Beerfest should be beamed out into space immediately. I will be issuing opinion as an official recommendation any moment.)
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor B (Human males would have been pleased by the large array and repeated, forced display of large human female mammary glands, both real and synthetic.)
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D (Few humans of the day could have seen this film as being innovative in any way.)
Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) D- (Could Beerfest have been worse, yes, certainly. There are sporadic, moronic jokes that would have made many humans chuckle slightly, especially depending upon their overall intelligence level, or so simulations tell us, but only the dimmest of wit and the most brain-damaged of homoerotic, humiliation based, drinking cults called “Frats” are likely to enjoy this film. One final nail of folly was the poor decision to include the annoying and talentless human called Mo’Nique. For she never resembles Moe from the Three Stooges, nor is there anything unique about her. Her presence only cheapens an already remarkably cheap film.)
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