Crank (2006)
After processing tens of thousands of hours (9,452 hours) of action based, human corporate produced films and television programming, I can safely assure all who read this assessment of one fact.
By the late 20th and early 21st century finding an even slightly original “twist” on the human action film was rarer than a pen27-4 model without any pre-existing parameters.
Yes, it is that rare. Crank is just such a film and quite a surprise as a result. The premise has a degree of originality, by human standards, as the audience is taken for a action packed “ride.” (Humans, due to their insane and irrational use and love of automotive vehicles often “peppered” their language with phrases involving these modes of transportation. This is also the case with the use of the word “pepper” as well, for humans often incorporated flavor references as descriptive tools into their primitive lexicon, which we still, inexplicably use to this date for nostalgia purposes. I digress...)
Crank has a strong basic premise: a thug/hitman played by Jason Statham, awakens with a “splitting” headache only to discover that he has been poisoned with a substance that gives him a single day to live. Soon, Chelios (Statham) discovers that if he does not stay in a constant state of primitive human arousal, whether in the form of pain, excitement or sexual arousal, he will die rather quickly. A metaphor for the human race? I am sure the argument could be presented but I will not do so in this assessment of Crank. What proceeds is Chelios’s “mad dash” to locate and violently dispatch the “evil doers” that injected him with the vicious drug.
What makes Crank special is the film’s sense of humor about the foolishness and stupidity of the blood and guts, “gangster” action film genre. Of particular interest is that Statham “pokes fun” at his own previous choices in movie roles and the genre itself. While, as in nearly all of Statham’s films, Statham and the car are, once again, inseparable and yet once again Statham plays a vicious sub-human bent on smashing everything in sight. However, what makes this film a pleasant surprise is that Crank is really a blood-soaked comedy, well, that and the fact that the film reveals a human copulation scene with the lovely Amy Smart. That may “sound” as though it lacks originality, however, this sexual intercourse occurs at a busy intersection while surrounded by a crowd. Yes, its good clean fun.
It fact it appears that there is even an DVD option to turn off the cursing so that you can hear “darn” instead of some other unpleasantness when a hand is chopped off. Of course, this only serves to underscore nicely the absurdity of human civilization. The hairless monkey’s worried about exposing their offspring to “dirty words” but are less concerned about showing tremendous realistic violence against there fellow man. Apparently, there is some sort of religious component involved that I am still exploring. One factor could be the absence of “dirty words” in religious text, whereas violence in religious text is rather abundant and accepted as divine.
“Warts and all” Crank is a fun “ride” that does not let up from beginning to its rather surprising and impressive end. Crank’s humor does soften its frequent extreme violence and blood letting and the film serves as a nice “twist” on the organized crime film so popular amongst the savage half-apes of the day.
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A- (Crank was a stimulating and refreshing alteration on the tired “gangster” genre of human films.)
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A- (Statham plays himself but does so very well.)
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots C
Elevation of Man Grade (How Well Did This Film Stave Off Extinction) N/A
Contribution Grade to the Extinction of Man A (Crank most definitely earns a solid grade of “A” as the film happily contributes to the senseless violence so wallowed in during the history of humanity. All problems are resolved via displays of human male aggression and “peppered” liberally with humor to soften the “blow” of said blood and carnage.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (While tragic in a sense, it is nonetheless enjoyable to see such comedic displays of chaotic human on human violence. Watching Crank you will realize why the species had little, if any hope.)
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor B
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (Crank is innovative within its own genre. The film, if it did impact human cinema and human society, it did so only in the regards of pushing cinema and society in a more violent direction. But as history strongly indicates that crescendo was reached long before Crank.)
Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (Crank stands as one of the best British focused thug movies ever made. A must see for those bots seeks human on human comedic death.)
|
