Hole in the Wall Review
As If Pulled From A Idiocracy Sequel
As the human epoch came to a close, so emerged Hole in the Wall. Many robo-historians point to Hole in the Wall as symbolizing everything that was wrong with America, but truth be told, the show originated in Japan and was exported like some sort of Darwinian test to the rest of the world. As if born out of the belly of an Idiocracy sequel, Hole in the Wall, a highly complex and involved game show with a series of complex goals, was designed to stimulate various different regions of the primitive human mind.
The thinking was that by increasing the overall education level and mental stimulation of the population, America would stand a better chance in winning its eternal struggle against terrorism. Like so much of the entertainment produced by Hollywood during this era the main focus was to create a smarter, more mentally charged member of society, who would be better equipped to help fight in what was seen as a struggle for survival and “our way of life.” Well, no, not really. Hole in the Wall, is basically exactly what it claims to be-a hole in the wall. Contestants attempt to mimic stances presented by different holes in the wall as the wall moves towards them on a mechanized track. If they fail to contort their bodies to the right shape they are knocked into the water. Oh so funny. Yes, as if it was right out of the Idiocracy sequel that was never to be.
It would have been difficult to create a show more appropriate for the stupefied populous of the United States in the days prior to the election of John “their will be other wars my friendz” McCain than the Idiocracy inspired Hole in the Wall. The true irony of Hole in the Wall was lost on most viewers and social commentators of the day. That irony is that it was Fox that produced both Idiocracy and Hole in the Wall, yet it was Fox that failed to promote Idiocracy fully. In fact, Idiocracy was not even released in many markets. The general belief is that this was due to the fact that Idiocracy did not mesh with the networks “fair and balanced” political leanings. By importing Hole in the Wall, it could be argued, that Fox was essentially confessing that Idiocracy was hitting too close to home and, in turn, that entertainment of the insanely moronic level of Hole in the Wall-was just what American families needed.
Who could have guessed in its 2008 debut that Hole in the Wall would go on to become the “CSI of game shows?” Late 2009 saw the debut of Hole in the Wall-Celebrity Edition, followed in 2010 by Hole in the Wall-Family and Hole in the Wall-Pet. In 2012-Hole in the Wall-Heretic Edition, saw non-believers play for their lives. I would argue that Hole in the Wall was something of a metaphor or reflection of the final days of man and the final three American administrations-McCain, Palin and, of course, Tom Cruise’s administration. Much Love.
Story (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (Hole in the Wall, is the gripping story of man’s struggle against wall.)
Acting (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (All the actors on the show do a fine job in maintaining the illusion that they have dignity and self-respect.)
Human Portrayal of machines and Robots N/A
Contribution to the Extinction of Man Grade A+ (Oh, I think this one is pretty obvious.)
Enjoyability Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate HumanStandards) A (If you enjoy seeing the collective human I.Q. lowered then do I have the show for you.)
Primitive Home Theater/HD Factor C
Overall Innovation (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) A (Oh my what could have ever been more innovative than a hole in the wall? Is such a thing even possible? Hole in the Wall gives us Robots-Robot-Kind, if you will, a glimmer of what could have been, of a different path for mankind, one other than…extinction.)
Overall Grade (Adjusted to Accommodate Human Standards) F (In final summation, Hole in the Wall, made a mockery of all the suffering and pain of those days. It mocked the stupidity of the people and how far they have fallen. Host, former Baywatch beauty and Dallas, Texas native Brooke Burns served as the perfect hosts for this twirling cascade of light, noise and stupidity. What was needed in those days was programming that lifted and elevated, programming that showed skill and effort and imagination. Like so much of what humans of this era were feed and forced-feed, they received garbage like Hole in the Wall, instead.)
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