Title: Lord of War
Genre: Action/Crime/Drama/Thriller
Cast: Nicolas Cage, Jared Leto, Ethan Hawke, Bridget Moynahan
Director: Andrew Niccol
Release: (2005)
All you might need to know about director Andrew Niccol’s 2005 action gun-run romp Lord of War is that he had to seek overseas investors to get it made because no American studios would back it. That means not just one but several, if not all, major U.S. studios looked at a script filled with violence, violence, gunfire and violence – the four corners of any self-respecting studio film’s very foundation – and decided “Yeaah, uh, still. This one’s a little hollow, even for us. We’re looking for projects right now that offer a little more in the way of originality and substance, like Catwoman or Rollerball. Thanks anyway, kid.”
Nepotist, er Nicolas, Cage stars as Yuri Orlov, the only Ukrainian-born, Brooklyn raised, international gun-runner with a self proclaimed “knack for languages” in the history of the world with less hint of any type of foreign accent than an ATM machine. It’s only the occasional delivery of a few well-rehearsed yet still uncomfortably clunky lines of seventh-grade Spanish that confirm for us that he actually probably is comfortable with English, by contrast. And, by comfortable, I mean he is able to inject the appropriate inflection and nuance into carefully crafted dialogue such as, “You fuck! You fucking fuck! You fuck- you fucking fuck! What the fuck is the matter with you?” (actual quote) and “You’re the shit! You’re the shit! You’re the shit!” (again). Bridget Moynahan, Jared Leto and Ethan Hawke are also in the film as some other people. Some stuff happens, usually involving some of them, but – really – who cares.
The sad part is, there is probably a message somewhere in this story about the complicity of foreign and domestic governments in perpetuating genocides around the globe that people should hear. Unfortunately the melodramatic, self-important, droning narration of Cage waxing philosophical on the bigger issues here (“There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.” Are there - thanks.) tends to drown out that message in a steady hum of pretentious blathering.
Unless you happen to be an attractive, young Asian waitress looking to brush up on a potential mark, I would have to say there is just no reason in the world for you to see this movie. Just be glad that I did, figuratively, what I was praying for Nicolas Cage’s character to do, literally, every second he was on screen – and took the bullet for you.
Grading
Story: C
Acting: D- (With Cage disproportionately bringing down the curve)
Visuals: C (Watch the opening credits – very cool. Then flee the room)
Originality/Innovation: C-
Enjoyability: D
DVD Extras: C (All the standard stuff, just moved onto a second disc for no apparent reason)
Overall: D+
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