Perfect Stranger
Genre: Drama/Thriller
Cast: Halle Berry, Bruce Willis, Giovanni Ribisi …
Director: James Foley
Release: (2007)
What in the name of Balki Bartokomous is going on here? This movie isn’t funny at all. In fact it 97% sucks. (I had originally estimated its total sucktivity index at closer to 99%, but decided that Halle Berry was so ridiculously hot enough in it to move the meter two whole percentage points on its own).
Despite its potentially misleading name, I am sorry to report that the long overdue big screen debut of everyone’s favorite Myposian mailroom attendant and his uptight American cousin is still just a beautiful dream. I suppose I should have known by the cover that this wouldn’t really be it, but I was just so blinded by my own hope that I just couldn’t face up to it. I kept telling myself, “Maybe they just decided to add a little twist to the original plot for a new generation of fans. Lots of movie updates of old TV shows have to do that. Remember The Honeymooners? Maybe they decided to turn Balki from a crazy white man from Mypos to a crazy black woman from Mypos. I’m not saying I totally agree with the idea, but it might work. Or maybe Bruce Willis is playing Larry Appleton and Halle Berry is playing his way-too-hot for him girlfriend Jennifer. That makes sense. Doesn’t it?”
No, in the harsh light of dawn I now know it doesn’t. The crappy Perfect Stranger has nothing to do with the classic Perfect Strangers. Halle Berry stars as Ro, a form-fitted dress wearing investigative journalist who goes undercover in the office of a philandering tycoon who she believes may have murdered one of her childhood friends. Bruce Willis also stars as said philandering tycoon Harrison Hill, who can’t help but do all kinds of philandering tycoony type things whenever Berry shows up in her body-paint dresses. Giovanni Ribisi co-stars as convenient plot tool Miles, a slightly awkward/slightly cool techno-genius who can hack into the Death Star’s encrypted payroll files on request in less than five keystrokes.
After Ro runs into a childhood friend who confides in her about an affair with Hill and later turns up dead, she decides to take it upon herself to prove Hill’s involvement in the murder. To get close to him she lands herself a job in the headquarters of Hill’s ad agency, right next to the boss’s office. (Don’t ask how, Miles hacked into something and set it up. It’s technical computer stuff, you wouldn’t understand.) She also takes on an assumed identity to try to seduce him in an online chat room. Though the two of these plans have virtually nothing to do with each other and either one would have been sufficient to try to get close to him, she decides to do both for some reason. As the plot thickens (from paper thin to two-sheets of paper thin), all of the pieces start coming together as the tension builds towards a back-of-your-seat, lukewarm climax.
The ending of this movie is particularly annoying. I won’t give it away, but I will say that no one gets bludgeoned to death with a cricket bat – which is really, really disappointing. Director James Foley transparently goes for a Sixth Sense-type ending where the big, out-of-nowhere reveal shocks everyone and then they run through a series of flashbacks to certain scenes that everyone sees in a whole new light now. In some sense it does work, as while I was first watching it I was thinking, “This movie is pretty bad,” and after the big reveal I looked back and realized, “Ohhh, now I get it, this movie is terrible!”
Aside from the ending, the other annoying things about this movie were the acting, directing, product placement (almost a feature length advertisement for Google, Victoria’s Secret and Reebok), plot, subplots and dialogue. Here’s an example of some of the brilliantly rich, idiosyncratic banter used to bring these characters to life:
Harrison Hill: Do you have any idea what loyalty is?
Ro: I bet your wife is wondering the same thing!
Harrison Hill: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!
For the record, I’m not even exaggerating that. That is copied directly from the IMDB Quotes page for this movie. And as brilliant as that exchange looks in print, for some reason it doesn’t translate to the screen well. This is the kind of dialogue that could make Quentin Tarantino kill himself just to roll over in his grave.
All of that being said, I cannot overemphasize how hot Berry looks in this movie. Some might think it’s demeaning or chauvinistic to focus only on that, but I’m telling you it’s the only thing this movie’s got going for it. And believe me, all you have to do is watch five minutes of this movie and you’ll know that everyone involved – including Berry – was going out of their way to have her sex this thing up. Well, at least they didn’t screw that up, and for some people that alone may be enough to warrant a rental.
But, overall, would I ever recommend this movie to anyone with even slightly functioning senses of sight and hearing? In the prophetic words of Balki Bartakomous: “Well of course not, don’t be reedicoolus.”
Grading
Story: D-
Acting: D
Visuals: C
Originality/Innovation: F
Enjoyability: D+
Overall: D
|
